I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
