My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
