how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
