Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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