I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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