Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
