4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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