last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
