You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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