He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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