He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
