You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
