I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
