Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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