Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Non-Jews are for practice
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
