i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Someone signed my nipple.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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