I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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