can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
