Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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