Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
