it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
