if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
