I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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