i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
