clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
