She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
