I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
