On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
