Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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