2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
