so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
