I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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