I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
