you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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