It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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