I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
