Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
