I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
