we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
