the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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