Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize