Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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