my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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