Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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