My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
