Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
