Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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