I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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