loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The uberlube is also flammable
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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