I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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