I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
