i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
