she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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